Mutation!

Thursday, December 8^th, 2011

      Good lord! An 8 hour day! I almost feel human again. In some ways.

      Arriving to Costco a bit early, I was a touch dismayed to find out that I was not even on their schedule for delivery. Normally, they are quite good about all of this stuff, both my company and Costco. In the end, it didn't matter so much, as they were able to squeeze me in. It turns out that somebody else was supposed to show and nobody had any clue where he was. Good news for me, maybe not so good for his family (assuming he has one).

      Driving to beat the snow out of Prince George turned out to work well for me, even though I sacrificed a shower, which may or may not have existed at that Flying J I sorta fueled at. I say “sorta fueled,” since all of the pumps but one were turned off. Turns out that there was a fire in a distant Saskatchewan refinery. This created a massive clusterfuck of supply lines, in which Peter was robbed to pay Paul at a number of Fueling locations. So I filled one of my tanks and was on my merry way.

      Along the road today, I was blessed enough to see a moose. I'm guessing it was a cow; it was grazing along side the road. You would think that the moose would run at the soight of a truck, but no. I have a strange feeling that it took me looking into the moose's eyes for her to turn and run. I am that scary. Truth be told, was trying to warn her of the potential danger of her present location. I've seen all sorts of logging trucks driving today, and they all drive like they are trying to escape the impending ravages of time. (Hey, that's right! the faster you go, the slower time goes... so if logging trucks approach the speed of light, then maybe they'll escpae time a bit longer.)

      Other sites of not today include this giant honkin' bird of prey. A bit larger than a bald Eagle with a mottled breast and long raptor-esque beak. I look forward to identifying it soon enough. I also saw a coyote and a bunch of ravens. Looks like they were scavenging a carcass of some sort. Speaking of which, there was a moose carcass by the side of the road as well. Pity.

      Feeling a bit less than human today, and a bit more like some dirt-monster, I was reflecting on some of the bad habits I've developed, which seem perfectly OK when not in the company of others. Be warned: what I'm about to write may not be suitable for decent people. One habit is trying to identify what that dead thing is by the side of the road. A bit morbid for polite company. On a more personal note, spitting phlegm is a favorite, sanctioned by truckers everywhere. As an added bonus, one can get away with shooting snot rockets when you think nobody is looking. These are also called “Farmer blows,” in which you block one nostril then blow any and all contents of the other out in the general vicinity. I clean my ears compulsively now, as if having them clean will make the engine noise less somehow. Probably the nastiest habit I've developed only happens when I forget to cut my fingernails. I'm embarrassed enough about that, but it gets worse. After some time without a shower, crud builds up under there. Being a Virgo (my lame excuse for this ) I like to have my nails clean, but I can;t do this while driving. With a tool anyway. So in lieu of a pair of clippers, I've been making use of the gap between my front teeth and using my incisors to scrape the crud out from under the nails, then spitting the bits out the window. It got kinda cold today. I figure it can't be that bad, since it is almost entirely dead skin and accumulated dirt. Yeah, that's the ticket.

      So for now, I am doing my best to stay reasonably clean, by using alcohol wipes to expunge as much grime as possible until I can get a shower. (hopefully tomorrow). I miss being human.