Sunday, March 18th, 2012
Some few days later, I still find myself in the Southeast. Nashville is hot today, but the breeze is gentle and welcoming. It's too hot in the truck to meditate or play the banjo, so I'm inside the truck stop relaxing. These last few days have been curious to say the least. Honestly, I'm not even sure where to begin, or what to mention, so I'll start with what is the most obvious to me.
It is fairly apparent that if I want any kind of life, I can no longer drive trucks over the road. Technically, I can have a life of sorts, but it is similar to being a nun. Obviously, I'm not a woman married to Jesus (he's totally pimpin' with all those wives!) rather a guy married to the road. For the record, I will say two things: 1) the road doesn't put out and 2) I imagine it would either a) burn like hell, or b) rub your junk off. Consequently, the road allows for other companions, but not for any length of time to be considered enjoyable. Not only that, the road does not offer companionship beyond your own thoughts, or the opportunity to do anything but drive. Five days a month is not enough time to live a good, balanced life.
In light of this seeming engagement, I am opting for a divorce of sorts. I am considering other career paths. During the last few days, I have spent time meditating on this, reflecting kind of passively and actively weighing the ups and down of various enterprises. The honest truth of it is that I'd just as soon hang out and play banjo all day, but that is far from realistic at this point. I'm not even to a level where I can consistently play the same few songs I know without the occasional flub.
Practically speaking, I will need a job that pays actual income if I want to purchase some land to steward. There are options that are way out there, from sustainable building to intuitive healing, all of which I feel would require extra training and more time devoted. More time than I can find between loads and the minutia of this job. There are so many experiences that I would like to have between now and whatever comes next, and they all require money. So, practical concerns win out for the meantime.
Between now and then is a tricky amount of time to commit to a particular field. Perhaps five years, maybe more. As I was contemplating my options, it came to me. I can do anything honestly. If I can put up with the alternatingly frenetic and languid pace that is trucking (never mind the intermittent showers and frustration of things breaking down), then I am sure I can put up with any other job. Yeah, people can be tiresome. I see it everyday on the roads. It becomes easier to deal with when you start seeing the idiot that cut you off while driving and talking in his cell phone, is just another person, with their own experiences and subjective morality.
Not only can I probably survive anything, chances are that whatever I do doesn't matter in the end. During a meditation, I came to realize that succeeding on a physical level holds little interest for me other than maintaining my somewhat modest american life. I'm sure I could pare down even more. Perhaps what is lacking is the connection in my own mind between the mundane and the sacred. Inevitably they are both cut from the same cloth, one a reflection of the other. The thing is, I can fly, teleport and dive into the sun in other realms. Here I can appreciate what has been created, and work to make things better. Which is cool and all, but teleportation... kinda hard to beat that one. Wait until i get better at energy manipulation!
Long story short, the most pragmatic options honestly bore me. I'm not inspired by mundane work as I conceive of it. I'm not sure if I can find inspiration in going to a job for the next 10 years or so. Therein lies the challenge.
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