Just Observe

Friday, July 13th, 2012

 

      Another busy day today, and another hard run tomorrow.  I am totally looking forward to taking the day off in Fargo.  Upon awakening, I was pleasantly surprised at how good I felt after a scant 6 hours of sleep.  On the down side, I did not recall any dreams.  On the up side, I made it here alive.

     Of late, I am working on becoming more present in the moments.  The gist of the whole thing is to still the mind and just observe.  Nights are great for that because there are so few distractions.  That said, it is no small feat.  Monitoring every thought is like trying to grab hold of a fish, coated in Vaseline, swimming in an aquarium, in the dark.  I may have gotten to the point where I've turned the lights on, but there are so many metaphorical fish lurking about that I just end up staring at one of them for a while.  Such is the mind.

   The benefit here is the few glimpses you do get of stillness, and how enchanting it is.  Just before dawn, I was driving through Montana.  It had been getting light for quite some time, but then it happened. Looking off to my left, there was a break in the clouds, Thick and grey, the lower clouds were stacked like mountains, while the clouds higher in the atmosphere floated in thin wispy contrails and brushstrokes.  Set between a pair of modestly forested hills, the sun shone through, golden red for the briefest of moments.

     In that splendid moment, thinking ceased, and all was right in the world.  No pressures, no concerns, no worries for anything but the here and now.  I was sad to have the scene disappear as I rounded the curve.  I tried to find that moment once again, but it was quite gone.  This seems to often be the case in life; we'll find something that leaves us breathless for a moment, then strive to cling to that moment, as if we could grasp a curl of smoke.

      Shortly thereafter I took a short nap.  This seems to be a great routine for driving the overnight.  Rest about 1/2 an hour around dawn then you're good to go again.  In some way, I think part of me was trying to cling to that sunrise moment.  I found myself more irritable and impatient as I drove down the road.  At one point, I felt my heart just ablaze with fire and anger at some guy passing me too slow for my taste.  As he drove by, I saw him driving completely distracted.  That got me going for a few moments.  Then  I watched the body's response to the thought.  Funny how the emotion subsided so quickly just by observing.  This is not to say that my fuse was any longer, just less explosive.

     For now, I am going to get some rest, meditate and maybe skip the banjo again today.  I'll have plenty of time in Fargo!