Trials and tribulations

Monday, November 14^th, 2011

      Ah, a long day behind the wheel again. Rising at 0230, just finishing up now at 1800. After a long day of driving, I am sitting in the driver's lounge of the Clackamas terminal, listening to truck drivers discuss the nation's problems and their cures. * face-palm * Everybody knows everything about every thing. This is a great chance for me to practice equanimity! Which, ultimately I failed in. I had to leave the room, because my beliefs were challenged so much. I felt that I took a big step the other day in visiting the ministry, but there's nothing like feeling alone and isolated in your beliefs about the world. Excuse me, I need to cry for a moment.

      Starting again here. This morning went fairly well. I delivered on time in Spokane, and got unloaded quickly. Not having anything immediate to do, I went and hung out at a nice little truck stop right in town. This place used to have free wi-fi, but has since been bought out by Pilot Corp, and they make sure they get their money. That was a bit of a surprise, but not a big deal. So I sat around waiting for a load, wasting my own time. (more about that to come!) Sometime around 0645 I get a load consigned to Halsey, OR. A heavy load, it is all shredded documents to be recycled, about 22 tons worth probably baled up. Knowing that time will be tight, I motor to the drop yard... zoom!

      Perfect! I dropped my empty right next to the one I am to pick up without even knowing! Man, life is good! I hook up to the loaded trailer, check all the tires, then hop back into the cab. Gonna have to scale it to be sure, and time is going to be tight! Then I go to enter stuff into the qualcomm, and I notice I have 2 new messages. Both messages have to do with a “hot” pre-plan. Generally speaking, having something be “hot” in this line of work means that somewhere along the line, a ball was dropped and they need someone to fix the f*ck up. Now, I was already jazzed for going to Halsey, why I don't know, and I was fairly upset about getting this new load assignment. In the end, I took it but informed them that I will not change loads mid stride again. It was a good lesson in releasing anger, but I'll never get that 45 minutes of my life spent driving to the drop yard, dropping and hooking trailers, back.

      After contemplating for a moment, it occurred to me that I absolutely love the challenge of delivering on time in tight situations. I like proving to myself that I can do some crazy feat of endurance on a tight schedule. Today, I drove straight from Lewiston, ID to Clackamas, OR without stopping once. Not to pee, nor to eat. I just kept going. I made it with 7 minutes to spare, which is as good as none when your job runs in 15 minute increments. I made it despite the Portland rush hour traffic, which is really gratifying for me. I made it! That said, having that extra 45 minutes from before would certainly have made the trip easier.

      Which brings me to my next point. I do not like it when people waste my time. I do my best not to waste other peoples' time, so don't waste mine. “My time is precious.” That got me to thinking. What makes my time so precious? Is it because I have such a small amount of it in this meaty vessel I call a body? Is it because I could be doing any other number of fun things, like playing solitaire or mahjong on my computer? Or perhaps bettering myself in some capacity, like meditating? Just proclaiming to myself that my time is precious made me think long and hard about how I spend my one life. While there may be reincarnation, ( I think so) there is only just Now in this life.

I know that what I'm doing right now is simply a means to an end, a proverbial stepping stone. A 35,000 pound stepping stone that doesn't look good in a lake, but a step none-the-less. I do not plan to be surrounded by this life style forever, nor the people and accoutrements that come with it. I am aiming to transcend this level of living for something much higher. At least that is the aim, and I can already see and feel it.