Friday, November 18th, 2011
I'm trying to be a better person. Aren't we all? Maybe not everyone, but I think we all are on some level. Then again, I'm an optimist. Life has a way of presenting you with what you need to accomplish your goals. “So you want to be a better person,” life begs of us, “then let me help you with some tests.” Funny thing is, is that life gives you the tests first then the lessons after. I recall reading that somewhere, but I found the practical application today.
Oh Canada, you are such a wonderful mixed bag of blessings. Some blessings are immediately recognized as such. For example, yesterday, I was feeling nasty. Like the, “I think I had a shower a few days ago, but I'm not sure which day,” kind of nasty. It happens a lot in trucking. You figure, “Hey. I had one yesterday, and I don't feel dirty.” Then the days fly by under deadlines and running like crazy to get somewhere for an arbitrary appointment time. I know the hideous details, but I'll spare them from myself. So there I am feeling grody at the Flying J truckstop. I've fueled recently, so I should have a couple showers coming. Wrong! Turns out that they don't load them for a day or two. I walk out dejected, figuring that one more day will be alright. In the parking lot, I happen to meet the driver I helped out at the fuel island earlier. We say hi to each other then I mention my disappointment in the shower situation. He says, “you can have one of my showers, eh?” (of course he's Canadian. I'm in Canada). To that I can only say “thank you,” and “best shower ever!”
In the same vein of being tested and learning lessons, I am making an effort to be more patient with the world around me. In addition, I am working on noticing the gap between a stimulus and my response. It is said that self observation is what sets us apart form the other animals, so I'm taking the time to use that faculty. In some instances, like when a car zooms right by me, I have been able to monitor the thought, “That car is coming up really fast.” A few times today, i noticed the immediate response, “That guy's a dick.” Other times, I would notice the thought, then decide that no response was needed other than observation for my own safety. It is a fascinating process to watch for me, as I have a unique perspective. In many ways, I feel removed from the world around me by virtue of the truck. I sit higher than most vehicles, I take a lot longer to stop, I can see farther ahead, and the climate control is amazing in these things. I feel that I have to take responsibility for the oftentimes irresponsible actions of others (cut me off again you bastard, and I'll cut your heart out!) for the sake of my life and present income. So maybe I'm over-exaggerating the road rage a bit for effect, but I am now becoming aware of how hasty I am to criticize. Granted, I believe I can drive better than lots of people, but then again, something like 80% of drivers believe they are better than average drivers, which is technically impossible. Regardless of semantics, I am a professional driver, and that means I have to be patient with the other people on the road. My intention is to catch myself criticizing others and stop that habit. What do I need to prove to myself?
Another test came today here in Calgary. First of all, I haven't seen a temperature above 1*F today; most of the day it was 0*, dipping down a couple times to -2*F. I don't want to go outside, and I am reacting in a negative manner towards this uncontrollable situation. Then to top it all off, I get directions that are neither wrong, nor are they quite right. The name of the trailer repair shop had changed over a year ago, and I'm looking for the old name. The directions were correct, but I didn't see the sign I was looking for. I was instructed to search for “Lion's Gate trailer repair,” and it turns out that they are now “Trailer Wizards.” Hehehe. They even have a map of Canada on a flat-screen with little wizard hats demarcating their locations across The Great White North. Which reminds me... I also saw a “Knight” heating company today. I'm sure a dragon will manifest in some form other than myself. I digress. For me, there is nothing more frustrating than being lost in a big truck. Thankfully, I had a map of Calgary on my person with which to navigate the morass of the SE industrial sector. Boy, is it a clusterf*ck. I observed as my frustration levels soared. I watched as I grew impatient with the traffic and people driving sensibly on the snow covered roads. While I was watching this, I could feel the life draining out of me. Fascinating to see! It took a bathroom break and some food to snap me out of it completely, and here I am now, reflecting on it all.
The lessons I'm taking away from all of this are:
1) I'm done with Canada. It is said that life begins at the end of your comfort zone, but I know I want something different.
2)By monitoring the gap between stimulus and reaction, you can noticeably lengthen the gap between the two. This in turn, gives you the chance to decide your response.
3) I need not be in such a hurry that I forget to eat or take care of my body. This will take some time for me to really assimilate.
4) Every experience is a teachable moment, if you see it as such.
and finally:
5) I can feel my emotions, but I can also watch them, which lessens their strength. This cuts both ways, so I will use it judiciously.
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